jk25

Here I sit again thinking of all the broken promises I’ve made to myself again.  Knowing that I’m the one making the choices, and here lately the have not been good.  I just feel everything is out of control!!! My house is a total wreck, laundry piled to the ceiling, no groceries in the fridge.   Just total unorganization, poor planning.  Out of balance!!  Well, when it gets this way, my exercise motivation goes down the drain.  I still do pretty well on my eating though, but still haven’t lost any weight yet, because I’m a night eater, and that’s my choice to, and that’s stopping tonight.  Anyway, Sat. I have help coming in to help me get my house in order!!!! :)  (hubby’s not much help with that)  Which is going to help tremendously!!  I’m also getting ready to start a day job with the same company!!  :)  I’m so excited!!!  I’ll work Mon. - Fri. and have the weekends and holidays off!!!  :)  I think that will help a lot too!  But it won’t be until around July, but that’s ok.  So, anyway, I’ll get my house taken care of Sat.  grocery shopping Sun.  Mon.  back to the gym!!!!!   So then, I will keep the house maintained (with the help of my kids)  LOL Have a set day for the grocery store, do a couple loads of laundry a day, go to the gym, and go to work at 3.  I know I can do this, it’s life, it just got the best of me.  But I coming back!!!!!

After reading an amazing blog, I realize I’m being to depressing and new to have a different outlook on everything!!!  Yes I do fight an ugly monster at night, but I’m the one who lifts the food to my mouth.  So instead, I will find something else to do.  The getting up in the middle of the night and binging is a mystery I think to everyone.  So I need to find other ways to cope with that.  Like have no junk food in the house, no starchy food, cause that’s what I go for.  It’s such a weird thing.  I am going to start going to the gym on Mon.  I’m starting to train for a mini marathon that is going to be in Indianapolis, In. next May.  I am striving to be fit and trim!!!  So, here and now I vow that Mon. is my official training day!!!!!!!!  I don’t know a whole lot of what I’m going to do but I do know that I’m going to hit the gym and do at least 30min. of cardio M-F.  I think I will do the weight machines as well 3 days a week.  If anyone has any ideas please let me know.  I would really appreciate it! 

Last night was a nightmare.  I told myself I wasn’t going to eat after 7, but had 2 ballgames to go to, and didn’t get home till around 9.  So I ate supper then, and then continued to eat!!  :(  Well tonight I’m taking a different approach.  I work tonight.  When I get home, I’m going to find distractions to keep my mind off of food.   I’m either going to get on the computer or look through a magazine.  I really wish I liked to read, maybe I’ll try to start that habit instead of indulging myself.  I’m making sure I eat 3 meals a day!  Drinking my water!!  And getting some form of exercise daily.  If it’s not at the gym, at least something simple like parking far from the entrance to a store or taking the stairs.  Right now it’s a bit impossible for me to get to the gym until after the weekend.  Then I will add that in.  I’m hoping it will improve my night binging as well.  As far as me getting up in the middle of the night and eating, I did it again last night!  It disgust me so much!  I’m working on that as well.  I’m going to go see a hypnotist to see if he has anything he can offer for it.  I’m so desperate for answers.  I also want a good nights sleep!!  Just the thought of what I could accomplish with that!!!!!!!!!!!

Things have got pushed back for me.  Started  today on my life long journey.  I do this all the time, and today it’s stopping.  I will never get anywhere with the attitude I’ve been having.  See, I have a problem that no one seems to have an answer to.  I get up in the middle of the night and binge eat, with no control.  It’s called night eating syndrome.  I have no appetite in the AM, then I eat supper, and I usually every night get up and eat. Most people are like, eat every meal.  I’ve tried that and still do it.  Or, don’t bring the stuff in the house.  Well I usually find something.  I even went to the extreme of eating a dry cake mix with a spoon.  I had a sleep study done, which was use less.  And I am currently in counseling which is another thing people say to do.  If anyone reads this and knows an answer, please let me know!!  So far today I have ate well, and drunk my water.  I cleaned my house for exercise.  My Dr put me on a med to help me sleep at night.  But I feel like I’ve tried them all.  I will keep my journey posted.  I think it may help as well.

Tomorrow, I’m going to get up, exercise, eat breakfast and go from there.  I hope I’m not disgusted with myself when I wake up!

Food Log

Exercise Log

Well, here I sit again, saying I’m going to do this again.  It always seems like I’m on a diet, and I never get anywhere!  I’m tired of the crap I tell myself!  This time is for real!  I’m pumped up ready to go!  I am going to do WW from home, and train for the mini marathon next May!  That means, exercise, exercise, exercise!  Water, water, water!  Staying within my points value, and EATING BREAKFAST!!  Something I seem to neglect, but know I need to eat it! Tomorrow’s my big day.  Gonna get up with the right attitude, workout, and eat my breakfast!  From there I think I’ll be in good shape until night falls.  My enemy!  I’ve got into the habit of binging at night, and it’s got to stop!  I’m working on that too.  To be continued…….